Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Ach Ya oder Nicht Nicht

ACH YA

-China shutting out the world in Olympic Ping Pong Competition
-The Federal Reserve Bank Cafeteria
-The US OPEN!
-
Carla Bruni
-New York Cup Cakes

Nicht Nicht

-Cuddle Parties
-
Serena Williams' new tennis boots.
-The Republican Agenda and The National convention
-Zach's LAZY attempt at making a blog via email
-Booty Fun Play (until proven otherwise)


My New Mother

Last Night I met Martha Stewart and we became good friends. She was sentenced to life in a Japanese prison and was to begin her time behind bars in the coming week. Martha was extremely upset because she did not know the Japanese language and was not going to be able to speak or socialize with any of the other inmates for the rest of her life. She asked if she could adopt me as her child and if I would come visit her in jail. When she agreed to buy all of my plane tickets, I signed the adoption papers. Just as I became used to the fact that my new mother was giving me large sums of money that she could no longer spend behind bars, I awoke to the awful reality that I was actually broke and unemployed.

But Can I Get Some Cream?

Why do New York Deli's insist on putting your cup of coffee in a bag.

I'm sorry..........this isnt a 40oz. I can carry my coffee down the street unconcealed.

Thank You Sir.

Not for a Weak Stomach

As of Aug. 31 - Predicted Electoral College Votes

BUSH -280 KERRY -242

Yes folks, this is concerning.

This is a great site where you can stay abreast of what the latest polls are showing. There is an interactive map that you can view results by state.

http://www.electoral-vote.com/

Monday, August 30, 2004

Re-FLUB-lican

Did anybody catch Mayor Bloomberg's speech on the opening day of the convention ? Apparently there was an error of major proportions. Bloomberg was talking about laying the Cornerstone to the Freedom building and accidently used the word Tombstone instead.

I'm sure that went over pretty well for the Repulicans...now go get the axe!

Sunday, August 29, 2004

Can I get a Nuzzle?

When I was recently was on the phone with my friends Laura, she asked if I had a chance to go one of New York's next big fad.....Cuddle Parties. This is exactly what it sounds like. People get together for a night and just sit and cuddle. The concept behind cuddle parties is to allow people to touch and be affectionate with complete strangers without the touching being sexualized.

So upon further research, here are the ground rules for cuddle parties (and no I didn't make these up):

  • Pajamas stay on the whole time.
  • No Sex.
  • Ask for permission to kiss or nuzzle anyone. Make sure you can handle getting a no before you invite or request anyone to cuddle or kiss.
  • No Dry Humping.
  • Outside of your personal relationships, it's nobody's business who you cuddle, so please be respectful of other people's privacy when sharing with the outside world about Cuddle Parties.
  • Be hygienically savvy.
  • Always say thank you and practice good cuddle manners.

Am I the only one who thinks this is messed up? I'm not very big on the concept of people I don't know touching me. Whatever happened to a nice firm handshake when you first meet somebody.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

This Is Exactly Why I Am Giving up Alcohol

I know people that have woken up to worse.....not namin any names.

http://www.jeffiscool.com/ibc.html

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

**********Celebrity Sighting**********

Mandy Moore meeting some friends for a drink at 60 Thompson Hotel Lounge. She was with tennis player Brian Vahaly but I ain't one to gossip Andy, so you didn't hear that from me.

,,,,,

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Introducing the New Fall Collection

I walk into the Diesel Store in Union Square and notice a new sweater in the men's section. I have never been a big fan of Diesel clothes and now I think I know why. The sweater is white and it is made of a cotton style material. Across the center of the sweater is a huge green telescope. Around the telescope are the words BOOTY FUN PLAY in big block green letters. Now after seeing this sweater the following questions arose in my mind:

1. What exactly is Booty Fun Play?
2. Will the salesmen demonstrate Booty Fun Play , so I know what the shirt means?
3. How many people are required to have Booty Fun Play?
4. Is Booty Fun Play safe?
5. Is a telescope absolutely necessary to have Booty Fun Play?
6. Does the telescope actually have to be that big?
7. What are you looking for, when you look through the telescope?
8. Can it be a microscope? A seeing eyeglass ?

Not only is the sweater confusing, it is ugly and looks uncomfortable. So of course I decide against the purchase. What designer thought that this sweater would be a great idea? If anyone has more details about Booty Fun Play and why one would want to wear an article of clothing promoting this "game" please let me know. Until then, I am staying the hell out of Diesel.

Who is this man?? Click on comments and leave your guess.
Posted by Hello

Monday, August 23, 2004

Yo Yo, Check This Out!

I gotta to giv out props to da lady n chaage, Adriana and my homey, Brett fah hookin' me's up on da blog. Fah reals folks, das right diz foo's helped a brotha out n da time of kneed. Yo, check out my hoodies blogs Oyster Day and Bretchi, deh not triflin fah sho.

holla back, I'm bouncin.

Sunday, August 22, 2004


Miss Congeniality Posted by Hello

Blond, Saline, Tan, and Genuine?

I have to admit I have an infatuation with Pamela Anderson. This is a woman who got her start on Baywatch as busty CJ with implants that were easily mistaken with buoys and other floating objects on camera. She has appeared in playboy more times that anyone else. She makes homemade porn with Brett Michaels which is leaked and released to the public and then does it a few years later with husband Tommy Lee. Her career fizzles after her movie Barbed Wire. Gets beaten by her husband, so that ends in divorce. Then contracts Hepatitis C from a dirty tattoo needle and decides against medication giving herself approximately 10 more years to live. After hearing her life story summed in a paragraph, one must admit she sounds PWT minus the P.

But there is a different side to Pamela Anderson. She is a spokeswoman for PETA and has be given special recognition and awards for work in fighting animal cruelty. She has her own foundation in which she assists various causes around the world, and apparently even auctioned off her removed implants on eBay with all proceeds going to charity. Most recently, she gave gymnast Mohini Bhardwaj $25,000 so she could continue to train for the Olympics, then helped Bhardwaj start a foundation to support other Olympic hopefuls.

Please check out her website www.pamelaanderson.com. There you will find links and advertisements promoting her latest playboy spread and her children's charities. She's like Jenna Jameson and Mother Theresa all wrapped up into one. It's just bizarre but I still love her.


**********Celebrity Sighting*********

This one is fun. Boy George spotted just two blocks from my house in front of "The Boy's Room" on Avenue A. My first thought..... "Boy George is short and fat." He was wearing a suit with a top hat but still looked kinda dumpy.

He gets 2 chilies - ,, (very mild)


Undisputedly the gayest album cover of all time. I am wondering what my parents were thinking when I begged them to buy this for me at the tender age of 8. Show of hands, who also owned this album at one point??? I must be honest with you all. I have a small selection of culture club songs on my Ipod, which I occasionally still listen to. There....I said it, now let me have sometime alone so I can sit and sulk in my uncoolness.
Posted by Hello

Friday, August 20, 2004


The olympic 50k race walk. Have you heard of this? Walking as fast as possible without running...fuckin stupid if you ask me. I wonder how many times I broke the world record when I was running late for work. Posted by Hello

Paris!

I think I know who has your Chihuahua.

Call me!

Please Enter PIN

So I started today as an intern today at Plum Media doing music publicity. It seems really fun, however it is unpaid. Now that I have no restaurant job I am not sure how long I will be able to work for free. I decided to take this the internship on for the contacts. My boss has worked for various record labels and publicity agencies and Plum Media shares offices with V2, which is a record label that works with Moby and the White Stripes among others.

Within the first hour of being there, I was given a debit card with pin written on a post-it note. I was asked to go to the bank and take out $100 to use for postage to mail out the press kits I had just put together.

Now let's get the facts straight:
-I'm unemployed
-I'm interning without pay
-These people have known me for an hour
-I never filled out an application, they never did a background check.
-They don't know where I live.
-My rent is $1200.
-My rent is due in 10 days.
-I have a debit card.
-I have a PIN number.

So does anyone see the ethical dilemma going on right about now. I am not going wipe this bank account clean, but I could see how people in my position might be tempted to do so. I find it very odd that debit cards are handed out freely like that. After all, this is New York City....Not Friendlyville, Idaho.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Nos Caminos

Not sure if I made it clear to everyone, but I hate my job. Someday I may elaborate on what I hate about it. But honestly, neither you or I have enough time to go over all the reasons now. So at about 1pm today, I decide to go for a little walk. It was a walk that I have thought about going on for sometime and today I made up my mind.

I set out on my journey, thinking about what I was going to say and do once I got to my destination. I walk about 5 blocks and see Dos Caminos on the corner of the next block. I cringe. I stop. I start walking again. I walk in the front door. There is Nestor, my manager at the host stand.

Me: Nestor, Can I talk to you for a minute?
Nestor: Sure, what's up.
Me: I'm quitting
Nestor: Why?
Me: Because I'm not happy here and I am not making any money.
Nestor: Hmm... I see, so you just want to finish your shifts for the rest of this week.
Me: Actually, I have never quit a job without notice. But I don't have a good attitude about this place right now and I don't think I would be doing you a favor by working the rest of this weekend. I am done.
Nestor: Okay, Thanks for letting me know.

Dumbass.

He didn't seem shocked but I think back to the conversations I have had with management over the past week and I can see why.

Manager: If you have time to lean.....You have time to clean. Now take all those glasses off and give those shelves a good scrubbing.
Me: I have had one table today...I am walking with $15 dollars...I'm not doing that. Slavery ended in the 1850's.

Manager: Corey...Don't cross your arms...It makes it look like you are angry and board.
Me: That is because I am both.

So that's that. I walk home. Get hit up for spare change from at least 5 homeless people. To which I truthfully respond, "Sorry...I am unemployed". Go home, eat my buy one get one free English muffins and corn on the cobb which was 10 for $2. Thought about spending the rest of the day looking for jobs but decided to take a nap instead.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

**********Celebrity Sighting**********

Scary Spice spotted at Dos Caminos SOHO enjoying the sun on the patio and drinking cocktails with her friends. Wore a sleeveless shirt with a hot tattoo on her back. We love the accent. Scary is now on Broadway doing RENT. Check her out.

Scary Spice ...
,,,,, (Smokin Hot)

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

I Am Fucked Up!!

Someone persuaded me to take this test so I could discover everything that was wrong with me. Apparently, I am self centered and seek attention. Not a good combo folks. Click on the definitions to get better descriptions. Give me some feedback and tell me what you think. Finally, take the test yourself and see what the hell is wrong with you!! Let me know your results.

DisorderRating
Paranoid:Moderate
Schizoid:Moderate
Schizotypal:Moderate
Antisocial:Moderate
Borderline:Low
Histrionic:High
Narcissistic:High
Avoidant:Moderate
Dependent:Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:Low

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --


Monday, August 16, 2004

Joke of the Day

Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella ???

Fahdrizzle


Ohhhh..... tough crowd....tough crowd.

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Sex and the City.....On the Sidewalk

With the lovely weather, last night would have been a great night to sit at the outdoor cafe at Dos Caminos, drink a margarita and socialize with friends.........or one would think. It just happens that we had an unexpected visitor who provided a little Amsterdam style entertainment for the guests and staff. I will refer to our visitor as Mo, since that seems a little more humane than bum. Mo is a fairly creepy looking man who probably hasn't shaved or showered in 13 months and hasnt laundered the clothes he was wearing....hmm, probably ever. Okay, so Mo is walking by and stops to peer in through the rod iron gate to gaze at the people enjoying their Chilean Seabass Veracruzano and Guava Margaritas. I have to admit that as he was clutching on to the rod iron bars and peering through the gate with a slightly frothy mouth, he sorta looked like a caged animal behind bars at the zoo. After a few minutes, my manager finally goes up to the gate and says....."Move Along Sir". Well, for some reason Mo got really, really, angry and he starts screaming at the top of his lungs in word salads that no one can understand. I hate to use the zoo example once again, but it was kinda like one of those fat walruses that somehow honks, growls, and blows a lot of air out of their nose at the same time. Mo walks over to the corner of the cafe where there is a small evergreen style miniature tree and starts breaking off all the branches. When he feels that he is not getting enough attention from the 50 or so diners, he decides to take it to the next level. Mo rips of his belt, pulls down his zipper, being careful not to expose any private parts (cause that would be just rude). Mo then lays on the ground and proceeds to passionatly make love to the side walk. He tenderly caresses the sidewalk and continues kissing it along its very delicate crack. He is humping hard but doing a good job of mixing up the tempo so the sidewalk does not get bored. You would expect about 25 women to jump from their tables to stand in line and wait to be next after witnessing Mo's skills and techinques, but surprisingly enough the line never materialized. Mo gets up walks down to the other side of the cafe starting the walrus mating call again. He sees some hot blond about ready to walk into the restaurant and grabs her arm and says "Hey, pretty lady!" The woman calmly pulls her arm away and walks in the front door of the restaurant. At that point, Mo notices that the cross walk sign is about to change to "Don't Walk". Since Mo does not like to J-walk, he takes this golden opportunity to cross the street and runs of into the distance. My guess is he was off to see his other lover, the corner of Bleecker and 7th Ave. I hear that sidewalk is really hot.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

**********Celebrity Sighting**********

Rarely do we get two fun sightings in one day. Vanessa Williams was spotted at Dos Caminos Soho eating guacamole and sipping on a passionfruit margarita. She came into the restaurant with 7 girlfriends and left a shitty tip. She looked stunning, but bad tippers don't impress us here at Apartment 3F.

This sighting gets: ,,, (pretty damn mild)

Friday, August 13, 2004

**********Celebrity Sighting**********

Elizabeth Berkeley, wearing considerably more clothes than on Showgirls, but considerably less than her days of Jessie Spano on Saved By The Bell. She had on a funky T-shirt on that said "Free Love".

Based on a Five chili scale, we give this sighting : ,,,, (Spicy hot!)


Florida is getting ready for this years election. I hope you are too. Please remember to vote, and avoid picking up the blue triangle Posted by Hello

Thursday, August 12, 2004


Picture of the Day Posted by Hello

Ach Yah und Nicht Nicht for this week

ACH YAH

P-Girl getting a job
Michael Franti
Phoenix on Wednesday
Arm Bands
Pabst Blue Ribbon

NICHT NICHT

People who wear lots of red
George W. Bush
Sleeveless Shirts on the wrong people (you know who you are)
Von Dutch
New York Sex...uh I mean Sports Club


I broke Carlos' nose with a mocahete :(

First of all, Let me preface......This was an accident. Secondly, a mocahete is not a violent weapon seen in the movie Children of the Corn....that would be a machete. A mocahete is a large lavastone pot usually formed in the shape of some weird animal. We use them at Dos Caminos Soho to serve guacamole. Our mocahetes look like really fat dogs with abnormally small heads and 3 short and stumpy legs. Anyhow, I was carrying this mangy mutt full of tasty guac (fixed spicy at the customer's request). And Carlos, with his head turned to check out the hot customer on table 87, collided with me. His nose smashed in the guac dish so hard that I heard a snap. Carlos tried to play tough guy for awhile but an about an hour later there was a huge bump on the side of his nose and he left work. Looking forward to watching him wait tables with his nose in a splint this weekend.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

You Douchebag!!

So I am walking home after meeting up with some friends for a few drinks and there is a drunk bicyclist riding across the street. She is a little wobbly and of course crashes out in the middle of the street and starts eating pavement with her ass in the air. This chump standing on the street corner with his girlfriend yells to the girl, "Drunk driving is just as dangerous on a bicycle." The girls at this point is livid and starts screaming at the top of her lungs. "FUCK YOU! You fucking Douchebag. Take your ass back to Abercrombie." Of course at this point a small scene has been created with an audience of about 10 members. The guy standing on the corner says, " Dude, I was only joking." To which she shouts back, " I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to him." and there she stands with her finger pointed directly at me.
All of the foot traffic in the immeadiate area is now looking in my direction wondering what I have done to this poor girl, as if I pushed her right off her fucking bike. I duck my head and pick up the pace of my stride. She starts to get back on her bike and screams again, "Take your ass back to Abercrombie, you fucking Douchebag!" She starts following me on her bike, and I make a quick J-Walking manuever to get rid of her.
I have no idea what I did to her, especially since it was the other guy making the comments. Now the last thing I bought from Abercrombie was a pair of green mesh athletic shorts in 1997, but apparently it doenst matter. I just simply don't have enough street cred for the East Village yet.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

My Blog

There are many reasons for starting this blog:

-My life is fairly interesting right now, and there are minor details on a daily basis that are worth sharing. Barely scraping by in a big city with a lot of interesting characters creates a lot of stories to tell.

-I consistantly run out of minutes on my mobile phone. I can't afford to talk at fourty cents a minute or upgrade my plan, so this is what you all get. (unless you call me nights and weekends!)

-I have been meaning to start my own website for quite some time and for the moment this is just easier until I have more content built up and a theme designed.

-Reminissing over some of these posts one day will create some humour at a later time for me.

I will try to update this page daily, so please check back often. It is meant to be interactive, so feel free to post anything you want to say.