Tuesday, October 26, 2004

A Necessary Phone Call

Hi, you have reached Jessica Simpson's sister. I am unable to reach the phone because I am currently in the studio recording my next live performance. Please leave me a message. BEEEEEP.

Hi Ashlee......I just came across your headshot recently and saw your Saturday Night Live performance. We have a slot open here for the role of Bilbo Baggins on Riverdance and we thought you would be perfect for the part. It may be the only work you will be gettin for a long time, so consider it. Give me a call and let's set up an audition. Talk to you soon!

Sunday, October 24, 2004

That Must Have Been One Stanky Dump!

Lenny Kravitz's career has been going down the shitter the past few years and it is starting to cause some major septic tank problems. Lenny's backed up toilet has caused over $300,000 worth of water damage to his neighbor's apartment. Now Lenny is being sued, as well he should be. I know you are a big star and all......but Lenny, plunge your toilet like everybody else does.

Charo Say

Charo Say: Booty Fun Play Sehr Gut.......Me Like!
(My Apologies, storylines are a bit thin these days)

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Apartment 3F Welcomes New Sponsor

Apartment 3F

Is Brought To You in Part

By :

Tracy Gold Pleads Innocent to DUI

Apartment 3F broke the news to you about Tracy Gold's DUI arrest a few weeks ago, which resulted from a car accident involving herself, husband, and 3 children. We have just learned that Tracy has pleaded innocent to the DUI charges. However, she was convicted and found guilty on all counts of Reckless Endangerment with Bad Hair and will be sentanced accordingly.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Ben Harper And Blind Boys of Alabama

Last Week I was given tickets to watch Ben Harper on The Carson Daly Show(Thanks Randi). Ben was promoting his new album with the Blind Boys of Alabama, which has much more of a gospel sound. They performed two songs for the show, but stayed after the taping and played about 5 more songs for the fans. We were within 6-8 feet of the stage so it was very intimate. There was a suspicious 4th blind boy back-up singer who was pretending to be blind with dark glasses but I'm guessing he really wasn't. Kinda shady, But I will still buy the CD. The show airs this Friday the 22nd of October, so be sure to tune in.

Hmm, This Job Looks Tempting

Zio, I feel your pain. You must have just gotten your MBA too.

My Horoscope for 10-18-2004

What are you going to be for Halloween Sagittarius. What about trying to dress up as an emotionally available, mature adult for a change? You may not be able to pull it off but get everyone else drunk and you just may be convincing.


Monday, October 18, 2004


After four days of looking at HTML code to fix my ghetto lookin site, I was about to scrap Apartment 3F. But took one last look at it today and got help fixing the problem. Thanks Jake! Okay, I have a lot of catching up to do, so expect a great deal of posts in the next few days.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

What the Hell?

Something is wrong with the site. I was joking about contracting STD's and meanwhile the website contracted a nasty virus. What the fuck? The right hand column is now at the bottom . Unfortunately, I don't have the technical know-how or time to deal with this shit right now. Apartment 3F is on hiatus. Anyone HTML savvy?

In 10 Years They Will Be Comparing Him to Kennedy

Is anyone else concerned that November 2nd could be the beginning of the end of the world. Seriously folks, this is getting awfully scary, the fact that George W. Bush can rally up 5 votes besides his close friends and family disturbs me.

Is America really full of a bunch of idiots that will vote for Bush?.....Survey Says : "YES".

If you are still somehow convinced that Bush is half-way intelligent then watch this Bush Interview Clip


(thanks for passing this along Rachna!)

Friday, October 08, 2004

Oh How Sweet!!! Someone Is Thinking Of Me.

I think eCards are one of the greatest uses of the internet. No more do I have to run to the store and buy a $5 piece of cardboard with a joke or cheesy poem, only then to make a trip to the post office and lick a $.37 stamp. With a few clicks of a mouse, I can now have a greeting card sent out electronically faster than it takes a Porsche to go from 0-60. The eCard industry is making life even more convenient with it's new STD notification greetings. Now everytime I get one of those nasty infections or flare ups and have unprotected sex with countless partners...No worries. A few clicks of a mouse and just seconds later, I have sent all of my meaningful one night stands a charming little animated greeting card letting them know they may develop cauliflower dick in approximately 3-5 days.

I am so excited about this new service that I have already started customizing messages to send out as soon as I get infected with my next STD:

1. Merry Christmas! - My gift to you this year wasn't wrapped, which is why you got Chlamydia.

2. For Your Birthday I was going to take you out for a romantic seafood dinner, Unfortunately those were the only crabs I could afford.

3. Happy Columbus Day - You know, that man had a bad case of Syphilis too.

4. Sorry for the Hepatitis, but hey......Get Well Soon!

5. Happy New Year!.......... Make it a resolution to see to your Doctor.

6. Your Clean.........................April Fools!!!!!

7. Happy Hanukkah!......But let me warn you, that Menorah is not gonna be the only thing burning.

8. You're over the Hill!!!........But you won't be over this Infection for awhile.

9. Happy Halloween.......Those warts are gonna go great with your witch costume!

10. Happy Freaky Freaky Freaky, Get your Freak On, I Gave Ya Freakin Herpes, Freaky Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Comment System

Hi Everybody.....I followed the footsteps of e-Brechi and implemented the HaloScan comment system. It allows you to add comments without joining a site, starting a blog, or logging in.......So feel free to share your thoughts. All Comments appreciated.

Additionally, I added a link on the right hand side so that you can submit a review of my site. Sites with good reviews often get listed higher on blog directories contributing to greater site awareness.

Thanks, Have a great weekend.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

A Review of Laguna Beach

I am turning into a big fan of new show Laguna Beach on MTV. I spent a lot of last summer in Laguna working and it is really fun to see the gang hanging out in a lot of places that I did. I am still waiting for the episode where Stephen and the Boys go visit the Boom, which is the local gay club on PCH, where I used to work. Unlike The OC, which I think is the most pathetic show on television, Laguna Beach is very representative of what it is like to live in the real Orange County. I think the reality drama series concept is great. After watching the first 2 episodes here are my observations.

-No personal interviews... As someone in their late 20's, I no longer care what personal revelations the 20 year old from Mississippi discovers in his or her confessional......" Today I realized that black people are just like white people".....No! I just want the action, the fights, the conflict. Laguna Beach delivers on this.

-Kristin and LC are both very hot girls and the tension between them is terrific. I just hope we get to see some physical fights in the upcoming shows.

-The people in Laguna Beach have years of history and it takes place at their home, instead of meeting for the first time in a neutral setting like Survivor or the Real Word. It makes for an interesting dynamic.

Things they could improve on.....

-Axe the Hillary Duff Theme Song.

-Try a group of twenty somethings that can at least go to bars and get drunk, creating even more drama.

-Throw in a token angry black person or flamboyant gay dude.

A Random Thought

Why are pinenuts so expensive? And why are they so delicious?

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

I Just Forgot What I Was Going to Write About

Yesterday, I self-diagnosed myself with Adult ADD. My diagnosis is clearly supported from the following evidence:

-Forgot about food in the oven/stove at least 7 times within the past two weeks. Only to smell smoke an hour later and discover a pan full of charcoal.

-Driving record over the past two years includes 6 tickets and 5 accidents. I was once even pulled over for DUI check because I was swerving on the road when I had absolutely no alcohol in my system.

-Lost my wallet 2 times in the past 2 months, all my cash taken ,of course. Also left a credit card at a restaurant, where one of the employees decided to go on a shopping spree.

-Left my keys at the gym twice in the past month.

I would really like to go on Ritalin, because I hear it is really fun to take when you go to parties. But I don't have any insurance, so I decided to try a supplement with Ginseng, Gingko Biloba, and Gotu Kola called
Focus Formula. We will see if this special drug leads to more consistent blog posts.

Oh! Look at the Cute Kitty!!!

My roommate and I were discussing very bad commercials on TV the other day. A conversation that stemmed from the terrible eBay ad campaign that is going on right now, where the wife is singing to the husband "Do you know the way to use eBay???". Ugh....I have been tempted throw my shoe through the TV screen just to shut that woman up. But during this conversation, I was reminded of what has to be the worst commercial of all time. This Ford Commercial was introducing a new car model in Europe a few years back. Doesn't it just wanna make you run out and buy one?