Monday, November 08, 2004

A Trip To The Fetish Store

Last Saturday afternoon I was trying to get my Peter Criss costume together and needed a few last minute rocker accessories. I was told to go to the sexual fetish shops on Christopher Street where I could find dog collars, harnesses, whips, chains, studded belts, leather goods, and other S&M paraphernalia.

The first thing that I notice when I get to Christopher Street is that there are 10-15 fetish shops and families with children everywhere. Now to me, Christopher Street seems like an interesting choice for some quality family time on a brisk autumn afternoon. I imagined some of the questions and comments that must come out of children's mouths when they walk past the various storefronts. Why is that man wearing chains? Why is there a plastic green penis in the window? Look at the pretty rainbow flag? Can we go in there to get some candy?

I choose to go in a store called The Leather Attic based on the variety of quality leather products in the store window. There are 2 men at the front counter, the first is a bald man in his mid sixties with an impressive beer gut, the other a guy in his late forties with at least 7 facial piercings. Both looked jaded from working many years in a festish shop. The guy with the piercings makes me check my backpack at the counter and hands me a claim ticket that reads HATEFUL WHORE.

Me: Can you point me in the direction of your studded dog collars and harnesses?
Piercings: You wanna take this one Hal?
Beergut: Only if I can have my way with him in the back first.

The man with the piercings begins cackling like a hyena in heat. I follow Beergut down the back corridor. Around the first corner we pass a display of toilet seats with four legs attached. I look at the sign on the display and notice that apparently this is a new type of furniture called a rimming chair. I try to visualize this chair in the open space next to the coffee table in my living room, and realize it just wouldn't look good next to the black leather furniture we already have. The second corner has a display of very comfortable style of hammocks called a sling.

We finally get to the last aisle where there is a large selection of quality studded leather harnesses to choose from. I looked at the price tag of one that looks particularly KISS like and notice that it costs $179.

Me: Do you have any that are cheaper? Maybe even something that is plastic? I don't want to spend this much since I am only going to use it once.
Beergut: No...NO...NO...You can use these much more than one time, they will last forever.

I decide that the $15 bracelet is probably a better purchase for me and head up to the front counter to pay the man with facial piercings for my merchandise.

Piercings: Have fun with this (starts cackling again)
Me: Can I get my bag. It is the blue one.
Piercings: Who are you again?

I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn't going to give me back my backpack until I actually said it. I glanced at my claim ticket.

Me: I'm hateful whore.
Piercings: Well here ya go WHORE! (cackles)

As I head out the door, I was feeling a bit violated, as if that last exchange were equivalent to going first base in the S&M world. Maybe next Halloween I will try the shop with the green plastic penis in the window.